Inspiring Identity

“Too much study is driving you mad.”

Those were the words I heard Jesus telling me back in October.

I’ve studied the Bible nonstop for 15 years now, been trained in Biblical Studies for 10 years, and the more I read, the more questions I have. And I’ve read a lot.

I’m less certain of everything than I was even five years ago.

But I don’t think this is a bad thing. In fact, I’m fairly certain it’s a wonderful thing.

Jesus didn’t come to earth to create systematic theologians (as fun as systematic theology can be).¹

In fact, it’s crazy to me that people posit “right beliefs” as part of why Jesus turns people away in Matthew 7:21–23. If blessing others by casting out demons can’t guarantee protection from damnation, why would theoretical head knowledge protect from damnation?

The goal isn’t a positive answer to “Do you know Jesus?” The goal is Jesus knowing us.

And I believe this happens when we open ourselves to Jesus. When we humble ourselves and invite him in. When we bring our life to him and ask him to show us what he will.

He will bless this approach, even if it’s not in the way we thought he would.

Being > Doing

In 2024, I hoped for restoration, but very little changed. In 2025, I started taking steps toward restoration. Overall, a lot of things continued the same, but I have instituted practices that should bear good fruit in the coming years.

My primary goal for 2026 is based on the reality that God revealed himself to Moses as “I Am.” God’s self-identity is based on his existence, not his actions.

Why do I get so caught up in “doing”?

Now admittedly, God is constantly chronicling his deeds to Israel. The New Testament regularly reiterates what God did for us in Christ. So I obviously can’t just sit and remain stagnant.

But I need focus. I need direction. I need concentrated effort in a specific arena, rather than trying to do 8 million things halfheartedly.

God’s self-revelation as “I Am” is perfectly consistent with his life-giving nature that we see across the canon. It’s when Israel departs from him that things go poorly and people die. God raised Jesus to life. The end of history is the resurrection of the dead—God acts by giving life.

My identity is a child of God. A beloved child of God. Not a “mistake” or a “dirty rotten sinner.” But a “fearfully and wonderfully made” child of the King. When God saw all that he had made (including me), he said, “It is good.”

That’s true for you, dear reader, as well!

My calling is to create. I’ve created Bible studies, rap music, novels, blog posts, scholarship, etc. And while this is all consistent with my calling, the numerous projects not only cause my mind to argue about which I should be working on, but steal quality from each other as well.

Kids have a notorious reputation for filling up refrigerators with artwork. Artwork that is treasured by parents. This visual fits perfectly with my calling. I want to create beauty for my Father. I want him to proudly show off my work to others. I don’t step into my calling because I have to, but because it is a joy to.

As such, my goals for 2026 (see below) are less diverse than they have been in the past. While I still want to write a lot of different things, you’ll note that I chopped two whole novel goals off my list for 2026. I did not accomplish them in 2025, but I’ve set a goal for 2026, and until I accomplish it, I need to not distract myself with other options.

My main goal for 2026 is to rest in my identity as God’s child and create content from there. Content that inspires others to step into their God-given identity as well.

Review and Preview

As usual, before looking at this year’s extra goals, I must start with my annual “spiritual”:

My biggest accomplishment for 2025 was that I took steps to get involved in a ministry at church. While I’ve yet to actually start ministering in this capacity, I completed a 10-week training for Foundations of Care, a counseling-like ministry at my church. I will start meeting with one or two people regularly, soon.

Another critical accomplishment this year was that I read very little in the Bible this past year. I didn’t want to just check off boxes and blaze through the whole Bible (like I’d done every year since 2012), so I took it slow and allowed it to speak to me. I read Genesis 1–3, John 15, most of Jeremiah, and all of Isaiah. It felt nice to slow down this year, and the things I read went deeper than they have in a long time.

And while I didn’t include it as a goal at the beginning of the year, I released 3 new songs this year. It felt good to accomplish that.

When it comes to partial accomplishments, I prayed a lot more this year, keeping track of at least 50% of it in a journal. My goal for lectio divina was Genesis 1–3, John 15, and Proverbs 1–9, but I only got to Proverbs 2:6.

I wanted to write 52 blogs this year, but I capped out at 35 posts with a total of 69.5k words.

I wanted to start freelance writing, and I was able to get one gig this year that brought in an extra $600.

When it comes to straight-up failed goals, I did not evangelize in person this year, I did not lead my family in daily devotions, and I did not finish any written drafts of books or theological articles. I am still substitute teaching. Out of my goal of losing 30 pounds and dropping to 170, I’m at 198.6 pounds. And I only paid like $525.64 toward debt this year (when you add new debt we’ve accumulated).

With the painful part out of the way, I can be hopeful for 2026. Here is where my focus will be:

• Practice lectio divina daily
  • keep a journal of the progress
  • pray daily
  • reading slowly, starting with:
    • Proverbs 2–9
    • Titus
    • Revelation
• Grow in love for others
  • Better love my wife and children (lead them in daily devotions; be present)
  • Better love the Church (stay involved in some area of ministry)
• Writing goals:
  • Publish 52 blogs here
  • Soldier — complete a draft
  • Self-publish my Advent devotional by October
  • Submit three articles to academic Christian journals
    • A reworked version of my Master’s thesis
    • Augustine and Confessions and the deconverted/exvangelicals
    • Christology and abortion
• Get out of full-time substitute teaching
• Make $5,000 freelance writing
• Make a dent in debt (currently $10,067.08)
• Lose ~25 pounds (Get to 175)
  • Exercise tri-weekly
  • Eat healthier

What do you hope to get out of your 2026?

In this with you.

Thanks for reading.

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Notes and References

1. I still want to write a systematic theology someday. ↩︎