Not for the Faint of Heart | Book Review

• Presently strained relationships with parents and/or deep parental regret.
• Distorted views of God.
• Exvangelicals and deconversions.

In The Myth of Good Christian Parenting, Marissa Franks Burt and Kelsey Kramer McGinnis posit a connection between these things:

When promised everything from godly children to a happy home, evangelical parents had a choice: trustingly comply or risk their children’s spiritual well-being. And because much of the teaching relied on theological claims, it came with stowaway doctrines that shaped people’s perspectives about the nature and character of God.¹

They argue that buying into the promises of the most popular Christian parenting books of the 1970s through the early 2000s greatly contributed to the present crises.

They are careful to note that not all the teaching coming out of this era was wrong,² but they zero in on several very popular and problematic points of agreement in some of the biggest names in Christian parenting advice of this era. These include distorted understandings of authority (chapters 3 and 5); behavior reflects parental/family goodness (chapter 4); normal child development is actually sinful rebellion (chapter 6); and failure to spank will guarantee a child’s eternity in hell, or at least time in prison (chapter 7). Unfortunately, many Christian influencers on social media today continue to recycle the harmful, false teaching presented in the parenting books of yesteryear (pp. 160–161).

The book is framed by Proverbs 22:6. Burt and McGinnis write, “Pick up any Christian parenting book and you will likely find this verse from Proverbs prominently displayed” (p. 1). The final chapter returns to this proverb: “This verse from Proverbs is often presented as a promise. If parents do parenting right, then their children will turn out the right way” (p. 173, emphasis in original). They then note that something critical is lost in popular translations of this verse, drawing attention to Bruce Waltke’s translation instead:

“Dedicate the youth according to his way.
Even when he grows old he will not depart from it.”

Framing the book this way diagnoses the symptoms we’re seeing today as a direct result of the “training” a generation of Christian kids received.

The first 2 chapters explain the history of parenting and zero in on the political climate in America between 1970 and 2000, grounding the context in a specific historical situation. Chapters 3–7 focus on dismantling the specific myths that have led to harm. And chapters 8 and 9 offer ways to move forward.

The organization of chapters 3–7 is especially helpful. Without mistaken notions of authority, kids would have grown up with a sense of their own autonomy. Without mistaken notions of authority, behavior wouldn’t have been made the gold standard of a child’s worth and value. And if behavior wasn’t the most important thing, notions of “sin nature” wouldn’t have led to “self-doubt and self-hatred” (p. 113). Put the mistaken notions of authority together with children’s innate sinfulness and their need to obey at all costs, and the logical solution was spanking, especially because “the Bible requires them to spank” (p. 141, emphasis in original).

The last chapter offers five helpful things to study as we move forward. They are each framed as things to be curious about: Responses (primarily our own as parents); Families of Origin; Children; Experts; and Jesus (pp. 179–188). These nine pages on their own should earn this book a place on your bookshelf. The authors also recommend seeing “a licensed mental health professional with experience in family systems, high-control religion, or religious trauma … as you work through this” (p. 178).

Their book is written for a general audience, primarily presenting data, rather than interpreting it.⁴ It relies on primary sources from this era, later resources also commenting on the fruit of this era, and personal interviews with parents and children affected by these teachings.

Some evangelicals might argue against the data, saying, “The reason this new generation of parents is the way they are is because they were sinful and rebellious as kids and it never left them as adults.” As such, the book could have benefited from data on kids who were not raised in evangelical families and how their experiences compare. However, even without this contrasting data, the book is helpful in showing that there were alternatives around at the time these popular books came out, and parents were scared away from them due to their “unbiblical” nature. The thinking was, “If it isn’t Christian, it is dangerous, and it will destroy lives and families and eternities.”⁵

The authors, despite relying on interview testimony, do a very good job keeping their own experiences out of this book (p. xii). This is commendable, and increases the credibility of the research.⁶

That said, if you grew up in this subculture, the content is sure to bring up old memories.⁷ Be prepared to grieve as you read this book. But you need to read it.

Read it for your congregation’s sake.
Read it for your children’s sake.
Read it for your inner child’s sake.

Parenting is hard enough without buying into myths about what it means to do it right. Burt and McGinnis cast these lies back into the pit from whence they came. And we owe it to future generations to refuse to pry them back out again.

Notes and References

1. Marissa Franks Burt and Kelsey Kramer McGinnis, The Myth of Good Christian Parenting: How False Promises Betrayed a Generation of Evangelical Families (Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos, 2025), 5. ↩︎
2. “Plenty of people looking for helpful advice found it in Christian parenting resources. To examine these resources critically is not to say there is nothing of merit in them or that all families were only harmed by them” (p. 189). ↩︎
3. Cited from Bruce Waltke, The Book of Proverbs: Chapters 15–31, NICOT (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 2005), 194. ↩︎
4. Except for one key place (see p. 145), but the authors recognize their departure from their norm at this point as well. ↩︎
5. “Conservative evangelicals cast doubt on the work of Benjamin Spock, partly because he openly supported anti-Vietnam protesters. Authors like Larry Christenson, James Dobson, Tedd Tripp, Gary Ezzo, Chuck Swindoll, Bruce Narramore, and Kenneth Gangel, all of whom wrote books about biblical parenting and family life during the 1970s, ‘80s, and ‘90s relied on hand-selected anecdotes and vignettes about parenting moments they had witnessed to convince readers that biblical parenting could help get American culture back on track” (pp. 32–33). Similarly, in 1980, Tim Lahaye argued “that humanism is a new religion taking control of America and that the ‘moral majority’ needs to take action” (p. 34). ↩︎
6. The only personal testimony I recall was a recent parenting experience Kelsey relays at the beginning of chapter 4 (p. 71). ↩︎
7. While I resonated with a lot, I actually came away more grateful for my childhood experience as a result. ↩︎

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